The
author of this entertaining and compelling account of contemporary marriage and
relationships between the sexes was a tenured professor and author at a New
York university a few years ago, when his wife was offered a prestigious
position as the editor of a major periodical back in their home country of
Canada.
From
this initially difficult situation for him, where he agreed to put her career
first, leave his desirable academic
position and move with her and their family back to Toronto, where he would
take on primary responsibility for caring for their small children, Marche
explores the reality of our current lives, loves and families, and how men and
women (at least in Western society) balance the competing demands of
professional lives, raising children, maintaining households and divvying up all
the necessary chores and responsibilities.
Moving
effortlessly between social science research on changing male and female roles,
and his own family’s experiences and emotional responses to them, he challenges
the post-feminist concept of a “war between the sexes”, a zero-sum approach that
assumes that any improvements to women’s condition has to come at the expense
of men’s happiness, satisfaction or status.
Instead, he argues that we are moving toward a time where the improving
status and condition of women, and their increasing ability to live fuller
lives that can include work, home and family, actually improves the emotional
fulfillment of men’s lives and of the whole family too.
But
of course, it’s always complicated. It’s
a dance, and both participants have to commit to it. So he explores the dynamics of this dance
within his own family, and tells a story of life in a modern family that is
both endearing and familiar. And his
story is further improved by the fact that his wife, the editor, periodically injects her own often amusing
observations as footnotes to the same topics and events he’s recounting, to
provide a woman’s perspective on their shared experiences and sometimes
differing reactions.
A very enjoyable account
and analysis of modern marriage, families and love, that will ring true to many
readers who have their own experiences of the same range of common challenges,
issues, joys and satisfactions. Highly
recommended.